i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize