soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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