What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
