My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
