I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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