wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
