i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize