wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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