My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize