May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
