I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
