Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
