i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
