She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Terrible idea I love it
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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