God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Is Oprah even human
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
