It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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