Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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