I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
