She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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