just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
