so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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