I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
