I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
