she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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