he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize