YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
