hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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