Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
