I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
