I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
