I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
