I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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