There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
