I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
