I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
