3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
