the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
