I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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