There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
