It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
