I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
