the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
