my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
