I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
