that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
