When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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