What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
