Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
