I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
