if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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