She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
