even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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