Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
