So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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