I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
