I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
