I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
