tell your sister to shave her snatch
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
