is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
