And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
