I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
only if we run a train.
done.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
