My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
