if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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