You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
