Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Randomize
