Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize