Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
