tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
me + whiskey = a bad person
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
