I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
