He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
