Having a random hookup so left but love u
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
