I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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