i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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