we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Randomize