Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
