I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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