Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
