Kiss
Puke
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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