Can Purell be used as lube?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
