in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
