"it" just moved
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize