And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
