I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
