Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize