what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
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