woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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