The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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