come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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