Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
