I can text with my tongue
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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