I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
