Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
