So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
