i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
