Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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