im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
