My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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