Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
