It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
