Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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