why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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