I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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