I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
