she was so not down for the gang bang
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
