wakey wakey hands off snakey
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
