what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
