There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Randomize
