it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
