I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
