I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
