Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
